I am a self-confessed QUEEN of DRAMA!
I get emotional, all the time.
I do cry everytime.
I am like this. You made me the QUEEN of DRAMA!
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Wednesday, December 13, 2006; dreams do reflect one's internal fears
jus woke up from a long dream.. when all else dint go well for me. I tot sleepin would be a good remedy to cast reality aside. It dint, infact it showed me all my fears came true.. I cant imagine if comes true. Guess my life will be twice as miserable compared to the current.
Now sitting alone is the room typing. Feelin tat lappie is my only fren. Someone who will let me talk to , someone who wouldnt leave me alone for other reasons only during reformatting. The house is big wif so mani pple, bt none i can share.
Im jus like a prisoner waiting to be sentenced. If outcome is bad, I will haf to restart from zero n start afresh which may require great courage. Which always seems so tough. If outcome is good, i may have to keep living in guilt& pain but havin needless the start fm zero.
so which sentence should i pray for?
these daz had been alone most of e time..& thru it i discovered more & more objective in thinking.It was a dull monday. AFter class, went library to choose some books & headed to canteen to packet dinner for one. As i was sitting alone at the atrium, eating dinner wif my earphones on, reading the books i borrowed. I felt so occupied n satisfied wif the feeling. It helps to cast worries aside n allowed me to discover the me tt was burried under tonnes of fear,unease& lonely me.
I felt so warm when i heard one fren of mine who isnt close to be tt i nv tot his one sentence could instantly made all my loneliness & unease instantly vanish. A simple " studying alone? dun study till too late ah?" maybe it was in mandarin so e feelin was more warming. Thanks CASEy. guess u nv tot tt unintention/intention sentence ended my day wif a smile.
Was reading thru the books & saw some quotes that i personally like it very much, which i would like to share.
Happiness is a butterfly which, when pursued,is always beyond our grasp,but which, if u will sit down quietly, may alight upon you. ---Nathaniel Hawthorne
If only we'd stop trying to be happy, we could have a pretty good time. ---Edith Wharton
Seems like e aimless me who always pursues my desired happiness, its time to sit down for a rest. Wad about u ?
I cry and I weep... Because of you... 2:16 PM
Tuesday, December 12, 2006;
one day in 2006 that was so memorable.
time that i wish to hold on forever..
it was e 6th of dec..
ways of eating 3layer kueh..
onli time when i do stupid tingz..
tall~ll kristmas tree..
arrival of 2 santas..
dazzling in the lights of christmas..
how will tis christmas turn out to be ?
I cry and I weep... Because of you... 3:24 PM
Friday, December 08, 2006; cruel december
Love tis song.. suits my style. Best break off song ever.. if i face that day i wana be wad she sings in her song.. nice vocals. sExxY Babe!
at least she could sing n had pretty curves, wad do i haf? all i can do is sit & wait for my destiny..feelin so darn useless..
a wk ago, clinic downstairs caught fire. It was a clinic of doctor Wong, which i had visited close to a yr ago.
I remembering clearly that day i was in great abdoman pain. Strengthless limbs, blur vision & giddy due to my menses. Doctor Wong gave me immediate tablet n told me to rest outside till i feel beta n able to walk as the pain was far fm my ability of endurance. As i was resting, this PUB guy told doctor Wong that they nid to off all utilties. Then i was grasping for breath & giddy n clearly i nided the fan & air con. Thus Doctor Wong argued wif the guy tt as my doctor, he put my health at first piroity n reject the cutting off of supplies.
Upon my first visit, i was touched by his passion to help his patients. Heard tt nite of fire was his new born baby's full month. When e fire started his wife n baby was upstairs. Im thankful to god, for saving his family from the disaster. Good deeds do pay off. Many blamed it on the jinx tt baby brought, but i tot otherwise, it can surive thru tis ordeal, seems like e baby is gonna be a lucky, who noes, he's gonna make it big!
DIsappointments & strings of events happened one after another. My heart is weaken day after day. Exhausted.. Sch work, grandma, frenship & r/s arent favourable. I need a breakfree. iM sick of pple wearing "masks". If u arent keen to be true frens,pls leave. I miss the independent me that i was when i enter uni yr 1. LIFE den was jus fantastic.
Even my long planned & awaited KL trip disappoints me.Tis is already the 4th planned trip to KL that fails.I guess when u want to spare a tot for e other, U jus haf to bear the pain. But im sure i cant be that selfish to be insisting. I maybe selling off my 2 tics. Interested parties may tag. I hate money& i hate pple wif high EQ. I hate communicating!! coz it always screws up. Everything revolving around me is money!!! the freakin new camera also nv fails to add to my pain! aimless.. its such a cruel dec to me! I like to be alone but i hate lonely nites, hate the tears tt washes my face at nite, hate e endurance of the "contracting heart", hate it when i cant hold my temper,emotions & patience. GOd help me before i turn into a nasty & irritable person. Cigarettes.. i hate u, i sense ur tempting. Tequila shots, vodka,heneiken!!! my heart & mind healers.
....你的一双手有多普通 当时我无法形容,不够爱我的人 再美丽只是个梦
I cry and I weep... Because of you... 5:29 AM
The QUEEN of DRAMA
iTs all abouT mE, WO & mE!! :)
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